Let her know you're not looking for a girlfriend around the same time you'd tell her you had a terminal disease.
A good rule of thumb is to always act as though you're having an affair.
Both were cute, smart, cool, late 20’s, Jewish, and interested in me. Which is why I kept looking around on JDate for that entire month that I was seeing both of them. The faster they follow up, the more work they choose to take on, the quality of their performance – all will start to differentiate these two men to make your decision a lot easier. “I only sleep with boyfriends, and until we figure out if an exclusive relationship is the right course of action for both of us, we’re gonna have to just stick with some incredible foreplay!
And while I was hooking up with (not sleeping with) both of them, something didn’t feel right. One woman even called me on it – “How dare you get online after our great date? It was my right to look for other women if I didn’t feel I could commit to her. You’ve never heard of a woman standing on the altar with two men, have you? ” Only you can determine whether you can have sex with two guys simultaneously without a commitment to either of them. Either you will get attached or THEY will get attached – and since you haven’t figured out your feelings yet, I would think that attachment is something you’d want to avoid.
I'd been with my boyfriend for six beautiful months of To us, and all of our friends, agreeing to a single date with a dude implied consent to monogamy thenceforth.
Going out with somebody else the next day would therefore be cheating, a cruel thing to do to your boyfriend on the all-important 24-hour anniversary.
They follow up, they text, we talk, make plans…it’s all good. On the other hand, I don’t know how to manage this.
I know I need to make a decision before things go too far (becoming too physical), but how do I know when?
Last month, I wrote to two men that I was very interested in.
You weigh your pros and cons, you do your cost-benefit analysis, you use a little logic and a little emotion, and then make a largely arbitrary choice without knowing if you’re right. I stuck with that and avoided breaking a lot of hearts.
I recall one time that I was dating two women simultaneously for about a month. My ambivalence was a feeling, more than a logical choice. You may not know the front-runner for the open position of “boyfriend”, but since you’re the CEO of Maggie, Inc, you’re going to take your sweet time to see how the interns perform in a limited capacity. In general, I think this is the best policy, because it’s a clear dividing line that any man can understand.
There's a difference between gently avoiding the exclusivity talk and going into a relationship knowing you never want to have it.
Blurting "I want to see other people" over first date calamari can come off as dismissive, so wait until it feels natural.