It's harder when I think something is going on while we're both in town.
The more I think about it, the less okay I am with our lifestyle, so I've become pretty good at shutting down that part of my brain.
My husband and I had some huge fights during that time, and we both uttered the word "divorce." But deep down, neither of us wanted that. And once we settled into a comfortable rhythm of life with a baby, we both began relaxing into our old routines. I flirted with men when I went out with my single girlfriends.
A few months after our son was born, I quickly got into a relationship with a former coworker.I don't keep my marriage a secret from the guys I date — I don't take off my rings and I mention my husband and kids in front of them — but I also don't make it an issue. I feel like my work, thanks to all those business trips, has made it easy to fall into them without doing much damage to my everyday life.Often, they're cheating as well, and I feel there's an unspoken code about what we do and don't discuss. I haven't said "I love you" to anyone else since I met my husband, and I do sometimes wonder how my husband feels toward the women he meets.It's an attitude people think of as very French — the idea that you can have an affair a healthy marriage. We yelled about cheating — he'd do it, I'd do it, we'd be furious with each other.But eventually, I realized this dynamic wouldn't change.