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    In response, Drunk Melissa — the very best of Melissas — picks up the top layer of the cake and throws it at Teresa. I know this game; the only winning move is not to play. The birthday girl is tipsy and having fun, and more pragmatically, everyone already had a piece. (This is beside the point, but in my medical opinion, a thick casing of fondant extends the five-second rule to five minutes.) That said, as I find myself thinking all too often while watching any episode of any franchise of , I hope they tripled whatever they were planning on tipping.

    Teresa grabs the rest of the cake, tray and all, and throws it after a fleeing Melissa, who shrieks with delight, “It’s my birthday, you bitch! If I were a Bravo producer, I would carry around an envelope stuffed with cash, just in case.

    My New Year’s resolution was to not eat as much junk food and I’ve definitely cut back.

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    Tonight she’s come to lecture at a local spa, where the owner looks enough like Eileen Davidson that I thought for a moment we might be in for an extremely unexpected crossover episode.“Because of the situation that [Joe] put me in” — that “situation” being pleading guilty to 41 counts of fraud — she lost out on precious time with her mom. Who but Danielle Staub herself should roll up for breakfast? No, this isn’t Jill crashing Scary Island: Danielle was officially invited and her presence was expected. “If you keep kissing her ass the way you do, she’s still going to backstab you,” Melissa warns her.Siggy does Google “pop puss,” unless you’re interested in seeing upsetting images of people popping pus-filled pimples, in which case, godspeed.) “Squirt, squirt, marinate 20 minutes like a chicken,” Margaret says, a description that raises far more questions than it answers.” Any birthday on which you don’t shriek, “It’s my birthday, you bitch! Those two might be enjoying their food fight, but Siggy is . Margaret tells Siggy, once again, to “take it fucking down a notch.” Siggy tells Margaret to go fuck herself.“We’re gonna have to explain to the restaurant that we’re from Jersey,” she snaps. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

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